


Tomorrow

by sodaschemes



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, Greenie Boi Angst Hours, Post Season 4, Suicidal Thoughts, Tournament of elements, Whump, cross posted on tumblr, no actual suicide, self hatred, yeah it's been some rough times for Lloyd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21729637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodaschemes/pseuds/sodaschemes
Summary: His father was dead. Again and again and again.Lloyd is no stranger to cycles, but this is one cycle he wishes would juststop.In other words, some post-season 4 angst.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> I like to call this one Greenie Boi Angst Hours

Lloyd couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t do this, not again. He couldn’t, he  _ wouldn’t _ .

Some part of his adolescent mind insisted that if he just refused to believe it, it wouldn’t happen. He’d lost his father  _ so many times _ , he wasn’t about to again.

And so he jumped off the Bounty, pounding snake after snake into the ground. When tears blurred his vision, he wiped them away. He wasn’t… he  _ couldn’t _ … 

But no, because  _ he _ was the Green Ninja,  _ he _ was expected to grow up and be selfless,  _ he _ was the one who got no real say in his life.

His dad was going to die. Again (no matter how many times it happened, it would tear him apart every time). It was like a broken record stuck on loop, a never ending punch to the gut. The second he could get up and catch his breath, he was knocked down again.

But if everything stayed true to the heart-wrenching pattern, then maybe, just  _ maybe _ … he could see his dad again.

But faith could only get him so far, and he had a sick feeling that this was the end. With a heavy heart, he made his way back to the Bounty.

He made himself say goodbye, made himself say the spell, made himself hold back the waterfall of tears that yearned to fall (and oh did they  _ yearn _ ).

He couldn’t tell where his emotions ended and his pain began. It hurt to swallow, hurt to  _ breathe _ , even.

His father was dead. Again and again and again. And, as a great many things seemed to be, it was all Lloyd’s fault.

Lloyd was the one who gave the Overlord his power. Lloyd was the one who let Zane die. Lloyd was the one who’d brought his friends back together. If it weren’t for him, they wouldn’t have gone to the tournament, Chen wouldn’t have been able to get the elements to complete his spell, and his father would still be alive.

He pretended to be okay (he was never going to be okay again). He went through the motions and plastered on a smile, faking his way through the evening.

When night fell, Lloyd left the first chance he got. He was just… drained. Everything was too much and  _ too much  _ and he was more broken than he’d been in such a very long time.

When he was able to drag himself to bed, he couldn’t help but finally let his tears fall, all-powerful-savior-of-destiny be damned. It was destiny that stole everything from him. 

Destiny could screw itself.

Lloyd lay in bed, muffling his sobs with his pillow as his body trembled. It just wasn’t  _ fair _ .

Why did destiny have to choose  _ him _ ? Why not someone who’d at least  _ wanted  _ it, like Kai? Lloyd  _ knew _ how badly Kai wanted to be the Green Ninja, especially following his brief corruption. 

Kai had almost killed him. Kai, one of his best friends in the world, had almost  _ killed  _ him. Lloyd had been terrified, but now… would it have been so bad?

What else did Lloyd have, really? Ninjago was safe, nobody would harm it for awhile, at least. His dad was gone. His mom, well… she’d abandoned him all those years ago, and was that really something he could forgive? His mom didn’t have the excuse of evil  _ physically  _ running through her veins.

He was sure the fans would be upset, but they’d get over it. They’d find someone new to idolize and objectify and pretend they knew.

And… and he could see his father again. 

But then there were the ninja. His friends, who had accepted him even when he’d done absolutely nothing to deserve it. But had they ever, really? Kai has proven that he harbored hatred for him, who was to say the other ninja didn’t hate him just as much?

But of  _ course _ his friends hated him, they  _ had _ to. If it weren’t for Lloyd, none of the crap that had happened would have ever occurred. They’d be better off without him.

The thought rang through Lloyd’s head like a church bell had been struck. He curled in on himself, pulling the blanket closer to him.

_ No _ , he told himself as sternly as he could manage.  _ That’s not true _ . He repeated it over and over, time after time, as if it would keep him from falling.

He needed to get a hold of himself.

He forced himself to take deep breaths, forced the tightness from his limbs, forced himself to calm down. Slowly, his sobs died down, leaving nothing but freely falling tears in their absence.

Despite the tremors that still ran through his body, he whispered a singular phrase to himself.

_ It’s gonna be okay _ .

He was gonna be fine, at least for the moment. He could do anything and everything else later, right now he just needed to sleep.

Maybe when he woke up, life would be worth living again.

Funny how people always said things would be better tomorrow. Tomorrow never came.


End file.
